in exactly 2 days, my life will most likely change entirely. i’m not sure how yet, or even if it will actually end up changing much at all. it certainly feels like such a big thing, but i’d be a liar if i said that feeling hasn’t lead me astray before. yesterday was thanksgiving. today is friday. two days from now will be sunday. i will be working from the following monday until thursday and then taking the entire month off, and then it will be 2026, and i am completely incapable of imagining what life will be like when that time comes. i have no idea what my big vacation i’ve been eagerly awaiting all year will look like. i have no idea how i will feel. i have no idea what i will do. i have no idea who i will do it with. i’m hoping that no matter what i can find a way for the rest to be restful, but i can’t know for sure until sunday, and i still may not even know then. on halloween if you saw me in person you would’ve seen me--or at least what was left--in a brown pair of khakis and a green tshirt. statistically, from the people i polled that night, you wouldn’t know if you saw it, but i was shaggy. scooby had broken up with me the day prior. a lot more people would’ve recognized my costume had i been next to her. she told me she needed a break and in retrospect she was definitely right. after my dad’s death in april i told myself to just hold it together to get my family through it. we met in july. i was depressed and anxious but convinced myself i wasn’t. i had a time bomb strapped to my chest. she was an angel. nobody in my life had ever made me feel so cared for, so safe, so understood. every time i was with her i was the happiest person on earth. every time i was alone i was waiting until the next time i was with her. this wasn’t a good thing. she made me so happy, but then we’d be apart and i’d have to spend some time with myself. the cracks would begin to show. if i sat there too long, i’d be able to realize that i’m not okay. i couldn’t let that happen. so every time something (including her) got in the way of seeing her, pushing the happy button, resetting the timer on the bomb back to 72 hours and never ever letting it hit zero, i'd freak out. i’d get upset when she’d cancel plans. i’d be depressed by the thought of it alone. the day before halloween, thank god, she broke free. shortly later, i exploded. and then i was free too. sure, i was surrounded in rubble. the building caved in and crushed my body beneath it. i couldn’t breathe. the heat burned my skin and turned my tears to steam until there were none left to cry. but for the first time since april, there wasn’t a bomb strapped to my chest. there wasn’t a timer to worry about. i crawled myself out of the rubble. i treated my wounds. scooby said specifically that she needed us to take a break, and that it needed to be for at least a month. we talked more and it turned out she was also interested in staying in my life, though maybe as friends for a while, and certainly not before a month has passed. maybe it’s clicking for you now. maybe it’s been obvious the whole time. this started the day before halloween, thanksgiving was yesterday, and i have two days until my life probably changes. we talked on and off a little bit, less and less as time went on, until the 13th when we talked for the last time. she’s been finding herself. i’m happy for her. that’s her story. it has been 15 days since she messaged me, and we had been talking every now and then for 14 days before that. since then, i have messaged her on the 14th, 17th (apology), 19th (apology), 24th (apology), and yesterday (expression of thankfulness). she’s talked about the 30th before, as have i. two days. she might not message me, but if she does, my life will change. i was anxious when i started writing this but i’m not now. she posted on instagram yesterday. she’s building up her own life. i’m so happy for her. and even if scooby and shaggy never see each other again, shaggy is happy that scooby is finding herself. i’ll always be grateful for her letting the bomb off. there is no more urgency. there is no more panic. there is no more timer. though i am still rebuilding from the explosion, if i was groundhogged into this position 100 times, i would let myself explode each and every time. i can’t wait for this to be outdated by monday in betweens 11.28.2025 viboof.com